One year ago today, I was in the L&D room in massive amounts of pain. I remember looking at the clock and thinking, “why is the time going by SOOOOO slow”. At the same time, I was also thinking, “I can’t believe it’s going to be past midnight and the date is going to change.”
I was close to 9 or 10 cm dilated, my water was about to break and I was ready for baby to be out. But of course he had his own plans and decided now was not the time. And we continued through the L&D process until it was time.
I can not believe how fast this year has gone by. I remember those early days where sleep was nonexistent and broken, showers were rare and even brushing felt like a luxury. I remember there were many days where I would eat breakfast without even brushing my teeth because there was no time. Taking a break was quite difficult with a newborn. They need to be held, they want to eat or they just fall asleep in your arms and moving means stating all over. And a moment of doing nothing was much needed. Life, although felt really hard because you’re so exhausted, was quite simple (compared to now).
I remember my body aching. I remember always being hungry. I remember my emotions were strong and very sensitive. I remember every piece of advice, any comment, any “words of wisdom” from anyone felt overwhelming.
I remember how fragile he felt. I wanted to protect him from every sound, every touch, every perceived discomfort.
From the moment I held him I felt like I already knew him, as does probably every new mother. Those 9 months were not only for him to grow strong enough to survive in the outside world, but it was also a time for us to get to know each other, slowly and gradually. From the smallest, featherlike tickles of movements to the waves across my belly which told me he was awake, we were establishing a bond.
I remember within the first hour of his life he did this one cry. It was only once but the sound of his cry was, “maaa….maaaa….”. I will never forget that precious moment because to me, that was the first time I heard him calling me in that precious way.